You Alone

When I drive I think alot.  Not that I don't think at other times.  In fact it is hard to turn my melon off.  I think all the time, which means I don't listen enough.  I probably think too much.  Now this by no means makes me smarter, deeper, or more intellectual. In fact I think part of the reason that I think so much is that I don't necessarily instinctively "know" anything it seems.  My brain has to work two or three times harder just to keep up with par.  I also have a very active imagination.  No not active.  Maybe an ADHD imagination.  Couple that with a brain on overtime and the result is the equivalent of mental pop rocks.  So with that said, try to follow my train of thought....

The other day while I was driving, I began to think.  We are at a weird stage in our missions ministry right now.  We have just left for our first stint as long term missionaries.  We have left all of the people with have spent all of our time with for the last 30 some odd years with, to live full time with people we, in comparative, don't completely know.  Life for everyone back home will go on.  There are plenty of people to distract them.  For us in the future there is the joy of all the new relationships that we will forge and strengthen.  But, right now in this moment I feel a aloneness.  Cathy and I are no longer surrounded physically by a thick circle of friends and family.  Fortunately we have each other to annoy and support.  The aloneness that I feel penetrates my soul.  Don't get me wrong.  This is not a depressive or negative feeling.  It is a sobering reminder that we are being called out.

Cathy used to play in her dad's cow pastures outside of Calumet, OK.  In those fields, she would sing songs to God.  It was in those same fields when Cathy was a small child that she knew that she would be a missionary.  Even though she had not accepted Christ yet, God's Spirit was drawing her into his calling for her life.  His Love was penetrating her life and her future.

I didn't even think about missions until I took a trip to Mexico in 1996.  I went down as a youth leader and returned as a missionary.  God's passion for the nations gripped my heart and life from that point on.  Before I met Cathy, we were both in Mexico at one point only 45 minutes apart both leading mission trips.  In 2003 God joined our passion for missions, when we got married.  The flame has continually burned for over 6 years now, on and off the field.  Long term deployment on a foriegn field was always something we knew would happen.  The when and where were the undetermined variables until recently.  Missions (in many different forms) is and will be a large part of our lives.  We are called to maintain this course.

So there we were blazing down the highway of into our future, fulfilling the calling God in bearing the yoke placed on our humbled shoulders, and feeling this immense sense of being alone.  This didn't seem right.  My mind went off, spinning, like a slot machine on meth.  Why should there be an aloneness?  We have the prayers and support of hordes of friends and families.  We have each other.  God is with us!  The Holy Spirit is here to comfort us and prepare us for ministry!  We have God's very Son in our hearts...we have Christ....oh yeah...Christ...the one whole knew "alone" better than anyone...ever.

The answer hit me this morning somewhere between deciding "Hey I am going to write a new blog this morning" and the above paragraph.  It is of Christ that there be an aloneness in our lives, if we are truly following in His steps.  This is His will.  He does not desire for us to be alone.  It is a fact check it out in Genesis.  There is however times of being called out to a specific work.  This calling out process is unique to everyone.  The feeling of loneliness lies in the solemn acceptance of God's work.  No one knows more of what I am feeling than Christ himself.  There is an aloneness that is proper, that is healthy.  It is part of the mantle of a calling.  Together Cathy and I are alone in God's calling in our life.  No one can finish our task or plow our row for us.  We have a task that must be completed.  Most pastor's can identify this "aloneness". It is the realization of being called out to do the work of the Father.

Now this call a life time of ministry is not exclusive to anyone.  Pastors, missionaries, nuns, monks and the pope are not some religious elite that have a higher calling to a life of service.  It is God's requirement of all his children.  To follow Christ is to follow his path.  His tracks lead to the hill of Golgotha, where He was crucified...where we died.   Christ's trail picks up again at the entrance of the tomb where He was risen on the third day.  It splits into a million trails that reach the darkest corners of the globe.  These are the paths our ministries take as we bring his resurrection and message of salvation to the world.  All who call Christ savior, have their path to walk, carrying the cross and the empty tomb with them.  That means me.  That means Cathy.  That means you.  Have you placed your neck beneath the yoke?  Have you began to plow your path?  Maybe you have yet to sink into the mud of a freshly plowed path.  Maybe you once plowed with passion and endurance, but something convinced you to stop or that you needed a break.  Maybe you believe that you don't have the talent, skill, purpose, or ability to pull your plow.  My exhortation is the same for everyone.  Get up!  Rise up!  Take your yoke and push forward!  You are being called out to do what only you alone can do.  Respond with a resplendent yes by leaning into your yoke with passion for your Lover, Savior, Father, and those who He already gave His life for.  He is calling out to you.  Respond with love.  You alone have a mission that you need to complete.

Cannonball!

Well we are to that seemingly mythical point in the future where Cathy and I are jumping in the deep end of long term missions. We head out in the end of Sept. (less than a week!). Sold the house, found a home for the dog, sold/gave away most of our possession, left our careers, and have struck out in faith into the foggy future of long term missions. Still after giving up what may seem like alot, we only realize now that all that was nothing. God is everything, bigger than all the "stuff" we plug into our lives replacing Him. A veil has been lifted for us. We now see how much these possessions, these trinkets are so not worth the value we place on them. Sometimes it seems that we are paying exorbitant amounts of money on things that will actually place us farther from God.

I really realize the depth of this by the things that I hear God asking from us now. In comparision giving up a nice house, cable tv, high speed internet, your favorite fur face or that "perfect" dining room table (sorry Cathy) pales in comparison when God asks you for your life, your future, and yourself. The sadest realization is that He was always asking for only this, I just could never hear it. Too much was always going on. Too much distracting me. My heart sinks to the bottom of my kiddie pool of sacrifice when I figure out that Jesus compels us to be lost under the humble waves of an ocean of Him.

Christ did not becon us to this level of sacrifice because of some "greater" call to be missionaries. It was His standard call to all who want to part take in His blessings, His salvation, and His resurrection.

Gal. 2:20 - ESV

²⁰I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

From the youngest to the oldest, the lifetime Christian to the death bed convert, the pastor to the lay person, this becon call is broadcast on all channels when we accept Jesus as our propitiation for our sins. It wasn't a one sided deal. We don't have a chance encounter with Christ, he forgives our sins and is on his way yelling over his shoulder "See ya in heaven, holla back now!". When we accept Him into our lives a relationship is forged. The deal is straight up. All of us for all of Him. Our sins, our death, our wretchness for His holiness, eternal life, and forgiveness. That is the start but not the whole deal it is also all of our finances, our relationships, our future, our familes, our friends, our dining room tables, and everything else that we are for His unexhaustable provision, communion with Him, a future in His will, His glory, and everything He is. Put that way, why do we fear abandoning ourselves to Him? What can I have or possess that can outshine the very Son of God? If you are brave enough that really want to know the answer, just look at your hands. What is it that is keeping you from grabbing Him with both hands and seeing where it takes you? What are you keeping a death grip on instead of embracing His abundant life? That "thing" or most likely those "things" are your answer.

We are learning everyday about new things that we are holding on to instead of God. I am doing my best to let go of everything. God, I let go and you must fill my hands and heart with you! Holy Spirit empty me of me and fill me with you! Now watch out as we take a running jump off the high dive to cannonball into the deep end! I just hope in the middle it doesn't become a belly buster... :)